I think it’s safe to say Lethal Company is one of this year’s top games. It completely took the internet by storm upon release of early access in October of 2023, and has been a popular game amongst friends and streamers alike. Unsurprisingly, with the influx in players for the silly horror game, Twitter users have brought to light their sexual attraction to one character in particular: the Bracken. While I don’t think that anyone is in the wrong for their opinion about this character, I do believe we need to take a further look at the other potential options amongst the bachelors given to us and give them a fair chance as well. No need to worry– I did all the heavy lifting for those single players interested in our other options and crafted a well-thought out list of least to most romanceable monsters in Lethal Company.

8. Hygrodere

If you want an electrifying romance, this option is for you. However, there isn’t much substance to this creature. They’re clingy, but truly hate being touched, which gives him a bit of that toxic push-pull dynamic. If you can ignore their flaws, they love music and are pretty good at dancing. I suppose upon further inspection, their positive attributes don’t really make up much for the amount of torment you may go through with them. This would be a viable option for those who are into slime girls, though… Maybe.

7. Company Building Monster, or “Jeb” 

The company building monster, or “Jeb”, is a busy man. You won’t be seeing much of him as he’s very dedicated to his job. Although it’s no debate that career oriented business types are quite feasible for the long-term. Think of him as a sugar daddy– in return for small, menial tasks, he rewards you with plenty of cash. The money aspect of this relationship sounds pretty tempting, but you’ll be subjected to his anger issues in between. Loud noises and tom foolery makes him quick to ignite, often becoming physical with whoever slights him. In between the tantrums, he sleeps calmly in a separate room from you which is the most you’ll truly be seeing of him if you can abide by his strict schedule.

6. Jester

He’s jovial, loves to play the same song over and over again, and is excited to see you. The Jester is truly a golden retriever boyfriend of the Lethal Company bachelors. His nice legs can make up for the fact he gets a bit frightening when his favorite song ends. He’s got not a thought in his “head” prior to that, and often keeps to himself, but when he has something to show you, he shows you with great enthusiasm. If you only see the Jester in intervals of about 30 seconds, he makes for a very loving partner.

5. Coil-head

Coil-head is an all day ass out kind of character. He’s a man who enjoys freedom and not being told what to do. Because of his always nude nature, this makes him great for those with a high sex drive. His ease of access is unmatched, but due to him only being able to move when you’re not looking, it may make bedroom activities rather annoying to do. I can’t say I see him being good for those who want a more intimate relationship, however he makes for a decent casual hookup. 

4. Nutcracker

The Nutcracker is stiff, firm, and assertive, but he knows what he wants and when he wants it. Many say that he is not very attentive, often glossing over what’s right in front of him, but that’s never slowed him down. He’s good with handling firearms and can protect his potential mates if harm was ever done to them. His biggest flaw is that he is absolutely pro-military and definitely not ACAB. 

3. Masked

The Masked could certainly make for a perfect romanceable partner as they’re not really much different than normal humans. I personally think that, because they’re so similar, this would certainly be one of the most boring and mundane options and the safest route. This could be a choice for someone who doesn’t like adventure and prefers a boring life with a boring office job. But that’s okay! You can have a boring white picket fence behind a boring bungalow in a suburban neighborhood in Seattle. Plus, The Masked really like hugs and watching you eerily from afar. 

2. Forest Keeper

The Forest Keeper likes long walks and the outdoors. When by himself, you can often catch him breathing in the crisp air of the forest, all while letting himself hang loose. He’s a big fellow, ideal for those who have a size kink or just really love being with someone taller than them. His size also means that his hands are perfect to scoop you up after he excitedly runs for you once you grace his sight. The Forest Keeper appears to be a gentle giant if you can get over his weird preference for voring his victims. He may not be able to provide financially, bumming around the outskirts of planets, but his sweet personality should make up for what he lacks.

1. Bracken

The Bracken is clearly the most dynamic, fun, and charming choice amongst our mix of bachelors. He’s built just tall enough to tower above you, which is a quite attractive feature for most, while still being within kissing reach. He has a very appealing mix of human anatomy and monster anatomy, which may make for interesting love-making sessions. Whenever you go into work, The Bracken is often waiting to surprise you when you least expect it, and when he does get to you, he quickly sweeps you off your feet to bring you to a quiet, secluded room in the far back corner of his office. Honestly, he really knows how to woo someone. Upon getting caught in the midst of surprising you, he backs off quickly.  Some may even call this being “tsundere”, a popular and sought out trope for many anime-enjoyers. Personally, for me, there is nothing more enticing than being able to fluster someone just by looking at them, which makes him my bachelor of choice.

Trex is a nonbinary, Puerto Rican artist and vtuber who specializes in pixel art and animation. Most of their time is spent working on commissions and streaming, but in between they sleep to forget the horrors. You can catch their streams at twitch.tv/arealpup.

About Trex

Trex is a cosplayer, actor, and artist hailing from the vast cornfields of Ohio. They also appreciate the little things in life like making everyone’s life a living hell.

See Trex’s Posts

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