The kind of person who knows what’s going on with Milano’s Odd Job Collection already knows they want the game. I do not mean that in a pejorative way, just that as soon as you see the art and find out it’s a newly localized PS1 title that never left Japan, you will have decided on purchasing this release based on how passionate everyone involved in said localization had to be. Hilltop Works, a fan translation group, worked their magic on this release, and their usual flair for the obscure and love of things the West missed is apparent throughout. This is a quality game made better by quality localization. That is something I wanted to stress today before going into the article I decided to write instead of a review: A list of the jobs/minigames Milano participates in to earn money and furnish her living space, ranked by how much I, a 31 year old man the the time of writing, would put up with having it as my career. There are eight tasks Milano can partake in, and I shall dole out my thoughts on each of them personally, not as how fun they are to play in the game, but how tolerable it would be to do them in reality.
8. Fresh Fruit Freefall
Easily the most harrowing of jobs. A variety of fruit falls from trees, as Milano attempts to catch it in a basket on her back. Different fruit fall at different arcs, so you will have to position her accordingly. In reality, if I had to hustle back and forth to catch fruit falling from trees, I would be miserable. Picking fruit is already an exhausting career, one that should be compensated much higher, but having to add further hand-eye coordination to things is a layer nobody should have to put up with. I am left to wonder why fruit that hits the ground is immediately a lost cause, since a good rinse would remove any dirt. Some people are just too picky, it seems. Milano is also harangued by wasp-like creatures called “bombos,” and if huge wasps were trying to keep me from gathering fruit, I would personally take the hint.
7. Dishwash Whoosh
I was a dishwasher a few times in college. It’s not the worst job in the world, but I do not wish to do it ever again. While I was under quite a bit of stress at times to restock dishware, Milano admittedly has it worse than I ever did. She must scrub each plate individually, checking to see if there’s any leftover food before setting it aside to dry. If she takes too long, the plates will continue to pile up, and newly entering plates will shove the old stack onto the floor, shattering them. I imagine Milano would immediately be fired for this. Occasionally, a plate will have an exclamation point on it instead of food, which alerts Milano to a flying kitchen utensil that she must dodge. I’m sure tensions run high in many kitchens and spatulas may end up flying, but Milano is an innocent soul and things seem quite calm in the kitchen she’s working in. I cannot fathom why she is being pelted, unless this is the norm where she lives, in which case I cannot abide this sort of work environment. Normal dishwashing would be less of an issue; this is dishwashing under fire.
6. Tick Tock Takeout
Dealing with customers at a retail or food establishment is already a hassle. Most of them enter the business feeling like their needs are most important, and any proof to the contrary is a failure on the staff’s part, not a reality of the existence of other human beings that are also attempting to get service. In Milano’s case, the customers entering the fast food restaurant are hedgehog-like critters with clocks on their backs. The clocks count down to when they will become fed up with waiting, so you must grab the items they request and hand it to them before this happens. I think it would be helpful in a way to have knowledge of when someone will get pissed off for waiting, but there’s another part of me that is even more stressed out with that knowledge. I should not know the specifics of someone’s mood down to the second. This is a simple gig, one where simple memorization and reflexes are key. I would rate this job higher if not for the strangely uncomfortable knowledge the clocks bring me.
5. Round-about Wrangler
This job involves walking in a circle around a ranch and seeking bovine-esque beasts called “moogans.” They are pretty much exactly like cows in our world, except these ones fly. Milano can jump up and grab their udders, gently bringing the airborne animals down to be milked. I am not good at estimation, but I know for a fact that Milano, as a prepubescent girl, weighs much less than I do. If I were to latch onto a moogan’s udders, let alone an Earth cow’s udders, I would at least cause it immense pain. At worst, I’m ripping an udder clean off the poor thing. This is before we take into account the green “trampoli,” piglike beings that chase birds called “coccos” around the ranch. Milano can grab onto the moogan’s udders to dodge getting rammed by the hostile trampolis. I have no such luck. While I made this sound like a complete disaster, if I am able to coax the moogans down to the ground in another way and separate myself from the trampolis, this wouldn’t be the worst job in the world.
4. Pastry Pileup
I enjoy cooking, baking, and otherwise creating meals. I don’t do it as often as I’d like, mostly because I hate wasting food (as I’m only cooking for myself) and leftovers spoil before I get to all of them. Working at a bakery would allow me to indulge in this action without worrying as much. For Milano, she must match ingredient blocks as they fall into the pit before her to turn them into cakes. If new ingredients fall into the pit and crush the previous ones, they create germs, much like how cross-contamination does in real life according to Jon Taffer of Bar Rescue. Milano’s ability to turn piles of single ingredients into a full cake is astounding, and this is a feat I cannot meet. While baking large quantities of food would be stressful, it also seems quite rewarding, and knowing that people are enjoying something I make so directly would be satisfying. I’m not sure doing things Milano’s way would be my favorite, but I’d still take this job over the last few. Also, I would give out what I don’t sell to those in need. All food establishments should do this.
3. Pop Star Power
Being a celebrity has many benefits. It is a career that allows for a lot of excess and freedom, but with this gift comes many a struggle. Your life is not your own, especially if you do music, thanks to controlling contracts and a constant touring schedule. It’s nearly impossible to build a good family life this way, and rigid happiness is often brushed aside for fast, hard pleasures. Now, I don’t think Milano is doing anything untoward in this instance. I’d have to imagine that she’s just doing cute dances and singing a song and everyone loves her and she’s happy, too. If I could match that 100%, I would have this job be number one with a bullet. However, I see how people act once they become rich and famous, and I am not as strong as Milano. I don’t want to forget my friends and family in pursuit of cheap thrills. Also, I think this rhythm game is kinda bad.
2. Viral Vamoose
Here, Milano is a doctor, curing patients of various viruses via button-masher minigames. If illnesses could be treated in this manner, I would hope that treatment would be swifter and cheaper than we have now. Hell, Milano is a child—and she’s not just treating these people, but fully curing them. Imagine what a trained team of adults could do, myself included (if I did get said training). There is a sense of duty I feel thinking about this hypothetical, even though I could be doing something similar in reality…I could’ve gotten a medical degree. I could’ve done something better than being a game critic online…On second thought, if Milano screws up the treatment, the viruses multiply, and I don’t know if I could emotionally handle messing up a few button presses and causing Covid 2. Milano is far, far stronger than I am.
1. Pizza Pronto
Delivery workers deserve far, far more than they are given. It’s a job that is treated so flippantly, but keeps the world spinning. Here, Milano delivers pizza to waiting customers via scooter, all while dodging obstacles laid all over the street. She can weave as well as jump to avoid these hindrances. She can also pick up speed boosters and run over arrows to make her scooter faster, as your score is higher when your delivery is faster. I wouldn’t be against doing this work, as I don’t mind traveling around in my car or a similar vehicle to deliver things. If I can put a podcast on or something, I’m good. Milano is also most likely getting paid better than the standard Uber Eats driver is, and while I say “good for you, Milano” here, I also say “everyone should be getting paid like Milano. I want my pizza and I want my pizza deliverer to be able to afford to purchase their own pizza.” It’s pizza all the way down, if I had my way.
If I were to rank these jobs based on how fun they are minigame-wise, I’d say it’s pretty much the same except I’d put Pop Star Power at the bottom and swap Round-about Wrangler with Pastry Pileup. Milano’s Odd Job Collection is an adorable game that is worth checking out, with the translation as a highlight. Support releases like this if you want to see more like it! And to the workers of the world, thank you.
